Happiness in midlife
Reading time: Approx. 5 minutes
In less than six months, I will turn 50. Like many others approaching this milestone, I find myself reflecting on my life and career. What have I achieved? Am I content with my current path? What do I want for the next stage?
These existential questions have been on my mind for some time now.
Until my mid-40s, I didn’t give much thought to these things. Life sort of just unfolded. Opportunities arose, challenges presented themselves, and I navigated them as best I could.
Of course, I did have ideas about what I wanted or no longer wanted to do, but my choices were mostly reactions to external events. They were less a result of something growing from within.
Then something happened - not overnight, but subtly emerging. It was as if a new category of vague and hard-to-interpret thoughts entered my mind and refused to leave again.
In hindsight, I realize that my subconscious picked this up way in advance. It manifested in various emotional responses (unease, mild frustration, easy irritation … for a complete list, I refer you to my wife) before taking tangible form in my mind.
I began to pay more attention to my thoughts and emotions - not exactly a long-held core competency of mine - and I gradually became clearer about what they meant. My values, priorities, and dreams were evolving.
It’s an ongoing process. The intensity of thought varies from one period to the next. Overall, it’s fostering greater self-awareness. That’s a good thing, but it’s also a double-edged sword because it’s easy to end up in unproductive rumination - and you can’t undo elevated understanding of yourself. You’re stuck with it.
“Ignorance is bliss” to some degree, I guess.
The reason this is relevant is that I'm far from alone. Many people in midlife experience intensified inner change and face unfamiliar thoughts and emotions, which often leads to periods of struggle.
Being at the bottom of the happiness curve
Research shows that happiness often dips between the ages of 45 and 55, creating what’s known as the U-shaped happiness curve. Globally, this dip is consistent across cultures, income levels, and social systems, suggesting it’s deeply rooted in our psychology or biology.
Why does this happen? Here are some key factors:
Peak work pressure. Many are in senior and managerial roles that come with high pressure, long hours, and greater accountability.
Financial pressure. They may also face significant financial burdens, such as paying off mortgages, being the family breadwinner, or saving for retirement.
Declining physical health. Aging brings health concerns. People may start to experience signs of aging, such as weight gain, hair loss, decreased energy, and other signs of wear and tear.
Mental health. The onset of midlife can also lead to anxiety about aging, personal achievements, or unmet life goals.
Caring for others. Balancing care for children and aging parents can create both logistical and emotional strain.
Empty nest syndrome. For many, children leave home during this period, leading to feelings of loss or a lack of purpose, especially for those who focused their identity around parenting.
Reflection on life achievements. People in this life stage often reassess their life’s direction, questioning whether they've achieved their goals or lived the life they wanted.
Mortality awareness. With aging comes a heightened awareness of mortality; many may feel like they are running out of time to make meaningful changes or pursue unfulfilled dreams.
On top of this, we’re navigating without GPS in midlife. For the first time in our lives, societal norms don’t provide a clear playbook that defines what to prioritize in life: get an education, then a job, settle down, build a family, advance your career, raise the kids, and then... what comes next? When you’re around fifty, there’s a long way to go to retirement.
These shifts can lead to reflection on personal identity, relationships, career, and overall life design, which in turn may prompt an urge to realign certain aspects of life.
The good news? This dip in happiness in midlife is temporary. Life satisfaction typically rebounds after a period, often fueled by a deliberate focus on self-reflection and recalibration.
Thankfully, I’m far from unhappy, I am generally very content with my life and direction - but I do relate to several of the above challenges.
The stakes seem higher now than they used to be. In my younger years, I felt confident that every door I opened would lead to countless others. Now, it feels like the opposite is true.
The paradox: Midlife could be the peak of our lives
In our 40s and 50s, we combine decades of experience with confidence, energy, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. For many, this is the height of professional success and personal impact.
Yet, these advantages alone and the progress they may bring don’t necessarily translate to fulfillment. To truly thrive, I’ve come to realize we need a relatively high degree of congruence between how we live, what we do, and who we are.
With so much being in flux in midlife, achieving this alignment is anything but easy.
And there are many obstacles standing in the way, not least human nature. We are wired to minimize (perceived) risk and therefore change, avoid losses (i.e., not let go of what we have), preserve energy (i.e., reduce effort), and optimize short-term comfort over long-term fulfillment.
Add in the emotional weight of the midlife blues, and it’s no wonder we struggle.
So, what can you do?
First of all, if you’re already in a good place with your life and career, don’t change. But if you feel a gap between your life and your potential, or between your trajectory and your aspiration, maybe it’s time to adjust.
That’s a whole lot easier said than done.
I, for one, don't have a perfect 'how to' answer, and I'm certain there are no silver bullets. Adjusting one's course in life is a deeply personal, often year-long journey.
But here are three steps that might help you get started:
Acceptance. Take a hard look at your current situation - with complete honesty (harder than you think). Wherever you are, accept it as your starting point. Don’t let bitterness or regret cloud your mind or keep you stuck. Where you are at this very moment is your best (and only) place from which to move forward.
Self-awareness. Try to deepen your understanding of what's essential in your life: health, family, pleasure, community, and career. Have your priorities and values shifted lately? Are there areas that feel unaligned with your goals or who you are becoming as a person?
Motivation. Get clear about why you want change and how strong your urge is. Do you truly want change and the associated trade-offs, or do you simply like the idea of it? Sometimes you’ve got to ask “why” a few times to get to the core. Use this clarity to fuel your determination to act. If you can't move beyond introspection, you won’t make much progress.
Going through these steps is not as trivial as it may appear. But it’s worth it.
My main point is the importance of taking stock, profoundly and frequently, especially in midlife when it’s so easy to simply stay on autopilot.
You might be blessed with a life in perfect sync with your values and preferences, but if you're like most, there is probably something you want a little more or less of.
Even minor adjustments can make a big difference in your quality of life. Your second half can also be your best half, but it does require a dose of self-reflection and deliberate effort.
