The myth of one true self
Reading time: Approx. 5 minutes
Life and careers aren’t linear for most people. And that’s a good thing!
Yet so many fear non-linearity.
We crave stability, predictability, and a clear path forward. When things don’t go as planned - when we lose a job, miss that promotion, AI threatens to disrupt our profession - fear takes over.
We feel lost. Stuck. Anxious about the future.
With what’s going on in the world right now, my guess is that this anxiety is not going down.
It’s the same mechanism that prevents us from pursuing our dreams in life and career, especially in midlife. We fear it’s too late to make a lane shift: that we won’t be able to get another job or get another chance to pivot if our new adventure doesn’t work out as planned.
This fear is entirely natural. Studies show that more than 60% of professionals over 40 worry about career disruption and their ability to bounce back.
I hear this frequently as well. People at my age (unfortunately, that means those of you around 50) are concerned about the next chapter. For most, it is not that they won’t be able to pay their bills; it’s more to do with the loss of agency and predictability, and with narrowing options to do something that feels meaningful.
But here’s the thing: this fear is often unfounded.
People almost always recover from setbacks. In fact, not only do they bounce back - many end up better off than before.
How?
Let’s look at the science behind it.
Your psychological immune system: How your brain protects you from setbacks
Ever heard of the Hedonic Treadmill?
It’s a psychological concept that explains why we tend to return to a baseline level of happiness, regardless of life’s ups and downs.
Winning the lottery? The initial happiness fades, and you settle back to your normal state.
Losing a job? The initial distress is real, but eventually, you adapt - and often find yourself just as happy as before.
This is where Synthetic Happiness comes in - a term coined by psychologist Daniel Gilbert. It's how our minds rationalize situations and find contentment even when life doesn't go as planned.
Our brain has a built-in psychological immune system designed to help us cope, adjust, and ultimately come to terms with a new reality.
Like many others, I’ve lived this firsthand.
I’ve made five significant career pivots - each requiring me to evolve and adapt my professional identity to a new and different reality. Three of those moves also involved relocating to a different country.
Most of these changes were exciting and voluntary.
A couple were more a result of things not working out as I had hoped. And yet, every time, my mind quickly adjusted - helping me rationalize why the struggle and resulting shift were actually beneficial for me.
I’ve also seen how differently people react to career (and other life) setbacks.
Some get stuck in negative spirals of inaction and self-doubt. Others quickly reframe the situation, focus on what they can control, and take action.
The difference?
Those who trust their psychological immune system, in most cases instinctively, move forward faster, with far less stress.
And here’s where things get even more interesting.
You have the potential not only to bounce back but also to level up.
Beyond recovery: How setbacks can lead to growth
Most people assume the best they can do after a disruption is to return to where they were.
That’s wrong.
With the right mindset, setbacks can actually push you beyond your previous baseline - toward a new level of happiness and success.
This is referred to as Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) - the idea that adversity can make you stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled.
Research shows that after significant disruptions, many people experience:
✔ New career possibilities – Forced change often opens doors you wouldn’t have explored otherwise. ✔ Greater resilience – You become tougher and more adaptable. ✔ Stronger relationships – Adversity deepens connections and support networks. ✔ A renewed sense of purpose – You reevaluate what truly matters and design a life that aligns with it. ✔ Increased appreciation for life – You shift from autopilot to living with intent.
But this kind of growth doesn’t happen automatically. It requires intentional effort.
I don't believe in a cookie-cutter recipe for something as complex and personal as life disruptions. Still, research suggests there are specific responses or coping mechanisms creating a foundation for renewed opportunity and growth:
Reframe your story – Instead of focusing on, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “Why is this happening for me?”, or even better, “How can this work in my favor?” Your narrative shapes your experience.
Take action – Even small steps create momentum. Updating your skills, reaching out to contacts, or starting a side (passion) project can shift your mindset from loss to opportunity.
Strengthen your network – Connect with people who’ve navigated similar transitions. New insights and opportunities often come from relationships.
Focus on what you can control – The past is done. The future is unpredictable. But what you do today, right now, is in your control. Prioritize action over rumination.
Give yourself permission to grow – Instead of longing for the past, embrace the idea that your best life or career chapter is ahead of you. Growth happens outside of comfort zones.
This is what works in the aftermath of a disruptive experience. What could you do preemptively?
3 things you can do right now to build resilience
Chances are, midlife will throw a few curveballs at you – some unexpected, others perhaps self-inflicted.
Whether you're currently in transition, planning for one, or simply want to be well-equipped to cope if something unexpected happens, here are some steps you can take to strengthen your ability to navigate disruption.
They are backed by psychology and neuroscience, and they have worked for me too:
Detach from job titles & roles – You are not your job. Career and life shifts feel less threatening when your identity is tied to who you are, your values, and your skills, rather than what you do today. And if you think this doesn’t apply to you, think again – most people tie a significant portion of their identity to their job.
Practice adaptability before you need it – Take on new challenges, side projects, revive old acquaintances, change scenery, study, and get in shape. Broaden your horizon, be healthy, and learn new skills before you’re forced to. That way, if disruption comes, you’re already primed to take action and pivot.
Cultivate your mindset – Seek inspiration from people who’ve successfully reinvented themselves. Surround yourself with those who see change as opportunity and have dared to shift direction. Your environment shapes your outlook.
Of course, these are ongoing practices, and whether they work for you depends on your situation and approach.
The main takeaway: Fear of discontinuity is natural, but it’s not necessary. Our psychological immune system makes us more resilient than we think. And, there are steps you can take preemptively to equip yourself.
If you’ve ever experienced a career challenge or some life disruption that, in hindsight, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, then you know what I'm talking about.
